Research at the Center for Gifted Education
Putting Center Research to Use: Supporting the Development of Positive Peer Relationships
by Dr. Jennifer R. Cross
Friends are an important component of healthy human development (Baumeister & Leary, 1995). Parents, teachers, and students with gifts and talents (SWGT) themselves have come to us at the Center for advice on developing positive peer relationships (J. R. Cross & Cross, 2015). As part of our program of research, we are attempting to develop an in-depth understanding of the social experience of SWGT. In several studies, we have explored their experiences in different ways. In all these studies, it is clear that SWGT vary in their acceptance among peers. By examining the differences among the students participating in our studies, we can make some suggestions about how to help those who face challenges in peer relationships.
Many SWGT have positive peer relationships (J. R. Cross, Kim, et al., 2015). They have high-quality friendships, meaning they engage in prosocial (nice, helpful) behavior, have trust in and validate each other. SWGT in our studies who had positive peer relations tended to be more outgoing and agreeable and less neurotic (anxious, obsessive) and had more self-confidence than those SWGT who were ignored or excluded by their peers (J. R. Cross, Cross, O’Reilly, & Mammadov, 2015). J. R. Cross, O’Reilly, et al. (2015) found that the students with more positive feelings about themselves and their social abilities tended to believe their peer relationships would be affected when others know about their giftedness.
These findings have implications for those of us who would like to help SWGT who may be struggling to develop positive peer relationships. The skills to build high-quality friendships are learned from a very early age. Effective ways of developing these skills are through modeling, when children see others (including adults) engaging in such positive behaviors, and through autonomy-supportive environments, where they are respected and given opportunities to make their own choices at the same time they receive guidance and expectations for self-regulation (Grolnick & Ryan, 1989). For students who experience difficulty in developing peer relationships, it may be necessary to point out the modeling of positive social behaviors. For example, “That was nice when he waited for his friend, wasn’t it?” or “Did you notice how Sarah looked to see if Jan was ready to go before leaving the cafeteria?” We may overlook the little things that contribute to positive relationships, and SWGT may need our help to become socially aware. Giving them opportunities to role-play realistic social situations can also be helpful (Webb, Gore, Amend, & DeVries, 2007). We may think of these teaching methods for dramatic events like bullying or outright rejection, but social skills develop when children have a repertoire of strategies for dealing with day-to-day interactions. Do they notice others’ reactions to the things they say or do? Do they respond appropriately when others attempt to engage them? When they know what to look for and how to respond, they will be more likely to attempt interactions.
Giftedness presents a unique twist to the development of relationships. Although SWGT are often popular at the elementary age, their popularity often dwindles in adolescence (J. R. Cross, 2016). Adolescents tend to be more interested in dominant, athletic types than in studious, non-athletes. Verbally gifted students have more difficulty with peers, perhaps because it is easier to spot their differences in ability (Lee, Olszewski-Kubilius, & Thomson, 2012; Peairs, 2010). The SWGT in our studies who believed that peer relationships are affected when others know about their abilities may have learned to modify their behavior in social situations so as not to stand out. For verbally gifted students, this would mean changing the vocabulary they use in various settings. It may also mean developing an interest in sports or other popular activities. While it may be important to make these efforts for their peer relationships, it is equally important for SWGT to maintain a positive academic identity while trying to fit in (J. R. Cross, Bugaj, & Mammadov, in press).
In one of our studies, extraversion, a tendency to prefer lots of stimulation, was associated with more positive peer relationships (J. R. Cross, Cross, et al., 2015). Research suggests that there is a tendency among SWGT toward introversion (Sak, 2004), the opposite end of the spectrum. Attempting to teach introverted children or adolescents to be more outgoing may be unsuccessful and may even be harmful. Rather than attempting to change this personality characteristic, introversion can be respected by limiting the number of peers to interact with and reducing the stimulation in the environment. Loud noises, bright lights, and crowded settings can be unpleasant for introverts, who are more likely to enjoy one or two peers in a quieter atmosphere.
Among the SWGT we studied, neuroticism is another personality characteristic associated with poor peer relationships. Providing the anxious child with strategies for dealing with anxiety-provoking situations can build confidence. Role-playing can be an effective way to teach such strategies. It is also important to learn what makes the child anxious. It is critical to ask and listen without judging. Regardless of our own assessment that a situation should not be stressful, there may be reasons that it is stressful to the child. Successful experiences in a variety of social situations can give the child the confidence needed to be less worried. This is true for all SWGT—the more opportunities they have for positive social experiences, the better they will be at developing peer relationships.
Agreeableness was also associated with positive peer relations in our studies and is another personality characteristic that may be difficult to change. Whereas introversion and neuroticism may be better approached through adaptation of the environment, the behaviors that accompany disagreeableness may be the major concern in developing peer relations. The laws of behaviorism may be helpful here. When a person is rewarded for a behavior, she or he is more likely to engage in that behavior again. Punishment will result in a reduction in the punished behavior. Behaviors that get no response will usually fade away. Even if a child has a tendency to be disagreeable, behaviors can be shaped by ignoring negativity and rewarding positivity. Rewards differ for everyone and it will be necessary to learn what is rewarding to the child. The payoff for a concerted effort at behavior modification may be great. Of course, it is important to remember the role of modeling. If others around the child are disagreeable, the child will be learning from them.
To help SWGT develop positive peer relationships, we must teach the skills they need to be prosocial actors, give them strategies for appropriate behaviors in social interactions, and build their confidence through practice with role plays and real social experiences. It is critical that we do all this while attending to their individual characteristics. Adapting the environment to support the stimulus-avoidance needs of the introvert and the worries of the neurotic child will help build confidence in both. Encouraging disagreeable SWGT to be more positive will help others be more comfortable around them. SWGT do not need many friends to gain all the benefits of friendship; one high-quality friendship is enough to build resilience and improve well-being (Graber, Turner, & Madill, 2015). Finding the right friend can be a daunting task for SWGT in a world where they are in the minority. With the appropriate skills, they will have more opportunities to explore their options.
References
Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117, 497–529.
Cross, J. R. (2016). Peer relationships of gifted children. In M. Neihart, S. Pfeiffer, & T. L. Cross (Eds.), Social and emotional development of gifted children (2nd ed., pp. 41–54). Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
Cross, J. R., Bugaj, S. J., & Mammadov, S. (in press). Accepting a scholarly identity: Gifted students, academic crowd membership, and identification with school. Journal for the Education of the Gifted.
Cross, J. R., & Cross, T. L. (2015). Addressing concerns about the social and emotional needs of gifted students. In J. H. Robins (Ed.), Gifted education in Ireland and the United States (pp. 177–203). Dublin, Ireland: CTYI Press.
Cross, J. R., Cross, T. L., O’Reilly, C., & Mammadov, S. (2015). A study of ostracism among gifted Irish adolescents. Proposal submitted to the Society for Research in Adolescence 2016 Biennial Meeting.
Cross, J. R., Kim, M., O’Reilly, C., Mammadov, S., Hymer, B., Dawson, E., . . . Cross, T. L. (2015). A cross-cultural study of the social experience of giftedness. Proposal submitted to the European Council for High Ability 2016 Annual Meeting.
Cross, J. R., O’Reilly, C., Kim, M., Mammadov, S., & Cross, T. L. (2015). Social coping and self-concept among young gifted students in Ireland and the United States: A cross-cultural study. High Ability Studies, 26, 39–61.
Graber, R., Turner, R., & Madill, A. (2015). Best friends and better coping: Facilitating psychological resilience through boys’ and girls’ closest friendships. British Journal of Psychology. doi:10.1111/bjop.12135
Grolnick, W. S., & Ryan, R. M. (1989). Parent styles associated with children’s self-regulation and competence in school. Journal of Educational Psychology, 81, 143–154.
Lee, S.-Y., Olszewski-Kubilius, P., & Thomson, D. T. (2012). Academically gifted students’ perceived interpersonal competence and peer relationships. Gifted Child Quarterly, 56, 90–104.
Peairs, K. F. (2010). The social world of gifted adolescents: Sociometric status, friendship and social network centrality (Doctoral dissertation). Retrieved from Proquest Dissertations and Theses. (UMI No. 3469001)
Sak, U. (2004). A synthesis of research on psychological type of gifted adolescents. Journal of Secondary Gifted Education, 15, 70–79.
Webb, J. T., Gore, J. L., Amend, E. R., & DeVries, A. R. (2007). A parent’s guide to gifted children. Scottsdale, AZ: Great Potential Press.
